When marriages hit rocky patches, couples tend to seek advice on how to fix a broken marriage from family and friends. After all, they assume, what better way to save your failing union than to talk to people you love? Well, according to most relationship experts, this is wrong and you should not do it. Read on to learn more:
Secrets In How To Fix A Broken Marriage
Tips to Fixing a Marriage
The following unconventional steps run counter to most traditional relationship advice you might have received in the past. However, they have been proven to work in many cases:
- Go It Alone
You might think that you need to work with your spouse in fixing your marriage. However, it does not always take two to tango. In fact, the efforts from either you or your spouse will most likely change the momentum and dynamics of your marriage. Usually, these efforts also motivate your spouse to join you in the process of learning how to fix a broken marriage.
- Ask the Right Questions
When your marriage hits the rocks, you might find yourself asking whether you married the right person. You need to know that this is a completely inappropriate question. To succeed in marriage, you have to learn how to love the person you are with – and not necessarily marry the right person.
Actually, love is more than a mystery. Just as there are a couple of physical laws governing the universe (like gravity), there are a couple of relationship laws that will ultimately dictate the outcome of the marriage. Remember, marriage is a choice – you do not have to be lucky in love to make it work.
Therefore, stop asking the wrong questions. Instead, focus on constructive questions that will help your relationship get back on track.
- Absence is Useless
Absence does make the heart grow fonder – but only if you are in junior high and your girl left town for the summer. However, this does not happen in marriage – especially broken ones.
Actually, absence will separate the two of you and make you grow further apart. It will create distance, which is the complete opposite of what you are trying to achieve – closeness and connectedness.
- Don’t Focus on the Problems
More often than not, you will find that talking about the problems that are ailing your marriage will not resolve them – it might actually make things worse. Not only will it lead to arguments, you can be sure that it will reinforce the bad will currently existing between the two of you.
Besides, it is impossible for anyone to talk themselves out of a problem – especially one that they behaved themselves into. Your marriage is on the rocks because either one or the both of you changed.
Instead of talking, focus on doing. Let your actions do the talking for you. Discussions never healed any marriage – new choices and actions do. Consequently, take the steps required to heal your marriage and watch as the wonders work themselves out.
- Keep It Mum
As mentioned above, most people assume that the secret on how to fix a broken marriage is by talking to friends and family about the situation. Before you make this awful and ghastly mistake, you need to remember that privacy is an important value in your marriage.
Therefore, you should avoid the temptation to talk to your friends and family about your marriage or about your spouse. Not only does this violate your spouse’s innate privacy, it is wrong.
Mending the Marital Fence
Getting married is pretty easy. Whereas movies and ads make a big deal out of getting engaged and proposals, these are the times where you will get to know your future spouse and fall head over heels for them.
Once the bliss and jubilation is over, you will become committed to another person, a commitment that is ideally supposed to last for a lifetime. The big question, therefore, is what happens when things start going wrong? How will you recover when the very foundation of the marriage seems to be shattering into a million pieces?
Of course, you can turn to marriage counseling whenever your marriage seems to be in trouble. However, the following tips will give you the ideas you need to learn in-order to know how to fix a broken marriage without necessarily spending a fortune on marriage counseling.
- Acknowledge the Problem
Whereas this seems like such an obvious step, most couples get it wrong. To ensure that you do not, find out what the source of the problem is. Has there been a loss of intimacy and passion? Are you constantly finding yourself getting angry about the relationship and with your partner even for no reason at all? Do you argue more than you are intimate and affectionate?
Understanding and acknowledging the problem that is plaguing your marriage will force you to start being more honest with yourself and with your spouse. You should also be aware that being open about the problem will go a long way in finding appropriate solutions and applying them to your marriage.
- Commit to Change
Once the both of you are aware of the problem, you should prepare yourselves to face reality. This means that you need to commit to changing the dynamics of your relationship. By pledging to become better partners, or to making up for the mistakes you or your spouse committed in the past, you will be on the right track to learning how to fix a broken marriage.
Remember, be honest and go beyond apologizing and trying to soothe away the pain you cause. Doing this will not deal with the underlying problem – it will cover it up. Change and positive actions will fix your broken marriage – apologies in and of themselves won’t.
- Be Brave
Most couples who face problems in marriage often find that they are actually afraid. They might fear that their partner will leave, be afraid of getting cheated on, or even be terrified about having to raise a child alone. At times, you might even be scared of committing and being stuck in a marriage forever.
If you want your relationship to work out beautifully, you must be brave and let go of each of these fears before they drag your marriage down into the dumps. In this step, full commitment and honesty are the best policies.
- Embrace and Love Yourselves
In case you feel like you have fallen out of love with your spouse, then it is high time you reviewed your relationship and found where your love originated from. You probably feel in love with your partner because of who they were.
Therefore, you should start thinking about what this really means. Was it their loveable flaws or their undeniable charms that drew you in? Was it the emotional connection you felt and the life journey you had been through that ultimately brought you together? Or was it a complex combination of all these factors?
By looking at and understanding what united the two of you, you will be better prepared to start loving your partner again – and vice versa. You will also know what you see in your partner and fall all over in love again.
- Understand Needs and Wants
Needs and wants are two very different things. Whereas you probably want adventure and traveling, you need security more. Similarly, you might want improved finances but if you soul search you will find that what you really need is admiration and respect from your family and friends.
Therefore, you should examine your desires and try to figure out the difference between your wants and your needs. Whereas wants have a deep core issue, they are likely to cause friction in your relationship. They might also affect your marriage deeply, because the two of you are life partners. This simply means that you should share your dreams, hopes and goals for the future.
- Find Forgiveness
While learning how to fix a broken marriage, you should keep in mind that sometimes the problems in your relationship were caused by a mistake. In such cases, then, it is time to start looking for forgiveness.
Apologizing, in most instances, will help heal both the injured party and the perpetrator of the injury. Apologies also make people feel like their partners have forgiven them, which is vital if you are looking to forgive yourself.
Remember, not all mistakes are made readily or happily. When they hurt your marriage, the both of you will be victims to it. This is why it is so important to find forgiveness from your partner and also from yourself.
- Build Bridges
Most couples make the ghastly mistake of looking for warning signs of irreversible and impending damage to their marriage. In the process, they end up creating mountains out of tiny molehills.
Whenever one of you forgets something important or utters a misstated word, the other party might mistake this for a malicious slight or a deep lack of caring. To ensure that this does not happen, you should make a conscious effort to overlook simple problems in the past. This is especially the case with those problems that you might potentially end up twisting into disasters of magnanimous proportions. Without looking past such mistakes, in fact, you might end up exaggerating them and causing irreparable harm to your relationship.
- Avoid Ultimatums
There are no ultimatums in life – and certainly not in a loving and happy marriage. This is why it is a mistake to make ultimatums in your relationship. After all, it is impossible to put a timeframe on when your marriage should be okay and working.
The process of rebuilding and healing, as you will learn when you understand how to fix a broken marriage, usually takes years and decades on end. The important thing here, therefore, is that the both of you are making the efforts required to ensure you stick together and work towards resolving issues to make your marriage works.
You truly love your spouse, no doubt, and have already committed to spending the rest of your life with them. Consequently, you should not be scared of maintaining the working parts of the relationship.
Do you recall how you felt when the two of you fell in love and vowed to be together forever? Now that you have understood why you love your partner and why they love you, it is high time that you rebuild the connections that might have gotten lost with time. Such connections easily break due to children, jobs and other things. However, when you find them and rebuild them, you will be able to better heal your broken marriage.
A clever game, to this end, that you might wish to consider is going on another first date. Find a nice restaurant and try to reconnect to your partner as if you are strangers. Whatever your choice, ensure that you find moves that will help you get your partner to agree to a second 1st date with you. Think up ways to excite, charm, and intrigue them. You were able to do it once – why not give it another shot?
The above steps will help you learn how to fix a broken marriage in ways that will prove beneficial to your relationship. Remember, there is no real order to apply them. However, you will typically find that some of them will ultimately and naturally lead into the others.
Keep in mind, of course, that unfortunately not all marriages may be meant to last, it is vital that you work at mending things in your relationship. You can do it – if you truly want to achieve success. By simply understanding what your partner and you are looking for – both from each other and from life – it will be easy for the two of you to move forward from there and find ideal solutions to your marriage.
Keys to a Better Relationship
After you learn how to fix a broken marriage, and succeed in doing it, the next step will involve empowering your relationship to start working for the better. Whether you have been married for two months or for 20 years, you need to understand that there is more to ensuring your marriage is great than just having a fairy-tale wedding.
These 6 keys will go a long way in helping the two of you build a beautiful marriage together. Therefore, if you are looking to strengthen your relationship, start showing your partner:
- Forgiving Love
Simply by forgiving your spouse, or getting them to forgive you, you will be able to mend the crucial mistake that got you in a fix in the first place. Additionally, forgiving love will offer the both of you a fresh start especially after one of you has offended or hurt the other. Remember, without forgiveness, your marriage will not be able to move on from the rocks it currently resides on.
2. Serving Love
It is imperative that you know, understand and appreciate your partner’s deepest needs. Loving them with a serving heart will go a long way in helping you find out these needs. After that, you can take the steps required to serve them in love and in holy matrimony.
3. Persevering Love
Keep in mind that marriage is not a sprint, it is a marathon. You, therefore, need to be in it for the long term. Remember, there is not bailing out whenever the going gets tough. You have to run the race and complete it to the finish line. Through persevering love, you will be able to sustain your relationship through all the trials of life the both of you will undergo. These trials will, in the long run, actually prove to make your marriage more real and your connection stronger. However, you need to stick together through all of life’s ups and downs for things to work.
Whether it is the death of loved ones, loss of a job, financial difficulties, disease or even troublesome and rebellious children, bracing through these trials will ultimately bring you closer to your spouse.
4. Guarding Love
You need to let your spouse know that you will do anything (as long as it is moral and legal, of course) to make the marriage work and to ensure that the two of you stick together. The modern culture is not keen on marriage, with most people forgetting that marriage and family are the very backbone of society.
Through guarding love, you will be able to protect you and your spouse’s heart from anything that might threaten your marriage. With time, this love will enable you to learn how to fix a broken relationship in ways you never thought possible.
In conclusion, learning how to fix a broken marriage is not easy. However, if you take the initiative, make the effort, and go all out to work at making your relationship mend and go beyond the pain it is currently experiencing, you can succeed.